I wish I was a little kid again because skinned knees are easier to heal than a broken heart
After a traumatic experience, the human system of self-preservation seems to go onto permanent alert, as if the danger might return at any moment.
— Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery
— Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery
It's 2am and I have an assigment to be finished soon. But here I am crying like a maniac. I just found this one scratch of love note which was written by me for the ex when he hung out at my place. Suddenly, my eyes were brimming with tears. I cried cause how bad our relatioship ended and his past conducts. This got me thinking, am I still single cause I'm scared to open up my heart for someone else? My past was destructive and this can kill my present and future. I don't want this to haunt me forever.
It's not that I'm still grieving about him it's just that I'm paranoid and vulnerable. I despise this feeling because I know trauma can haunt and sabotage my health for years . Emotional memories of traumatic life experiences are stored in a particularly robust way inside the brain which in turn makes effective treatment very difficult. Researchers came down with a conclusion that emotioal memories (both positive or negative) have a very large effect on your behaviour as well. They also found that eventhough negative memories can be overcome slowly but they are not replaced. I truly believe that traumatic experience has the potential to linger in our mind for a lifetime and this is an emotional scar.
But for the record, I'm just paranoid :(
I'm scared to fall in love..Afraid to love so fast...
Because every time I fall in love it seems to never last.
